Written Traces

Hey, how you doin'?  No, I am not rewatching Friends for the zillionth time.  It's just that I hate to start traditionally.  I'm in a conflicting situation: some of my readers like my conversational tone, but apparently it isn't quite acceptable to the publication agencies. Two of my best-appreciated stories were rejected because of their tone. The rejection felt like a jolt that I could practically feel in my head, especially the second one.  Since that day, I've been caught up in a vicious loop of boredom because I stopped writing anything new.   I also called off a new transcription gig that promised me some good money, but the client was a tad bit of a scoundrel in his behaviour.  So here I am, having voluntarily stepped away from both writing and work, and somehow managing to be bored out of my mind. Pretty efficient, ain't I? I'm in that peculiar state where I don't want to do anything to kill time, yet somehow want the time to pass joyfully. I ...

For the past few days, I have been very indecisive about it.  Whether I should say this or not. There is literally nothing to hide, but I see now how it works.  Things you don't say are assumed to be a hidden fact about you.  But why do I take the trouble of saying it when it's clearly visible?  Well, maybe I owe it to those with whom I correspond or perhaps those with whom I communicate only through texts.  Honestly, it's nothing uncomfortable, nor do I avoid talking about it.  It's just that I give it as much attention as it deserves and completely forbid it from overstaying in the limelight.  This is because I have my life to lead and work to do.  And I have absolutely no patience to let this one aspect of my life take up more space than it deserves. Although it has been a part of my life and existence for as long as I care to admit, it still hasn't been everything that I care about in my life.  It has, however, affected how I navigate lif...

Hey, sorry about last time. I was having a mental breakdown, and, as you probably know, it is better to rant on paper than aloud.  Of late, I'm losing track of time as well as of days and dates.  These days, it is not about what day it is but more like what it feels like to be.  Today, for instance, feels like a Saturday.  This is because today I feel like writing. Most of my writing is done on Saturdays. Why?  I don't know for sure, but it's been a long-standing coincidence. Or maybe because the mind quickly develops rituals of its own.  Anyway, coming back to writing.  As I was saying, most of my thoughts are penned on Saturdays. Be it in the form of a journal entry, a piece of prose, or a poem.  This made me think about something I learned while pursuing my master's in English Literature.  Literature has always been referred to as the artistic and creative expression in established forms of writing such as prose, poetry, novels, plays, and...

Life is not easy.  Life is difficult. Life is challenging. Life is relentless. Life is a battlefield, and you are the crippled warrior.  You don't stand a chance.  The only thing you can do is either fight with your dignity intact or surrender, smothering your own self-respect. My bad luck is that I chose the former.  People are fake in brief encounters.  People are selfish in the long run.  Tonight, I struggle to find anything worthwhile in the people I have encountered throughout my life. I'm writing this in a moment of profound frustration. Perhaps time will soften these words, but tonight, this is what the world feels like. For years, I have been instrumental in the success and upliftment of those I considered my own. My assistance is genuine, without any expectation of personal gain, only because I believe that when my time of need arrives, they will remember me. Instead they remind me, in ways subtle and obvious, that I am not worthy of their kindness...

I know it is not usual for you to hear from me so soon.  Twice in a week?  I must be on fire. But lately, nothing seems to keep me engaged for longer than an hour, and my thoughts drift quickly from one thing to another. When it comes to my thoughts and the endless debates that go on in my mind without resolution, I tend to write in search of clarity. Recently, I realised something about myself: I can go for days without talking to anyone and remain completely unbothered. What surprised me wasn't that I could go days without talking because I have done that for years. What surprised me was realising how little it affected me. At first, the silence was meant to teach someone a lesson. The problem was that it had no effect on me. I have spent nearly half of my life on my own. I come from a family where both my parents held respectable positions in their respective fields, and naturally, their work demanded much of their time. On top of that, I have been dealing with health issue...

Hey!  Four months, no see? Just kidding.  I have been out and about for a while, and when I finally came back and settled in, I just got too lazy, or should I say creatively unmotivated, to journal.  The last time we caught up was in February, and honestly, I have been a bit under the weather for the past couple of months. Speaking of which, I recently went through my life's second operation, and it was for the most ridiculous reason.  Before that, let me ask you a question, "Have you ever paid the price of doing something right ?" Because that's where my story begins. I have, quite literally, become the victim of maintaining basic oral hygiene. Like most people trying to maintain good oral hygiene, I brushed my teeth diligently. Unfortunately, I took that commitment a little too seriously.  Brushing your teeth is good, but things took an awry turn when I brushed too hard, especially with a hand as steady as Ross Geller's marriages. (I'm assuming you have watc...

Author’s Note: There are places we reach because someone we love knows the way. When they are gone, the road remains, but the certainty doesn’t. I don't remember the road that leads to a particular destination. As someone who takes the seat of a passenger, my only job is to sit back and pass the time it takes to reach from source to destination. That being said, I take immense pleasure in giving my absolute surrender to the hands of my father, who takes the wheel to get me to the destination we both shared. It is always at the destination of TTPS, where my father served, and the source is Puri. Yet not once did I bother to memorise the road. I remember only a few landmarks, a few habitual stoppages where we would pause along the way. Nothing more. The rest of the journey was spent in the comfort of being driven. The reason I am being so elaborate is that I don't remember whether it is after the passing of my father or before, but I used to have a very particular nightmare. Kind...

Do you know w hat I been thinking lately? Honestly, I have been thinking about a lot of things, but when I stop for a moment and think about my thoughts, I can only think of nothing. It's just a lot of thoughts colliding with one another at the same time, which I deem equally important, as I was quick to abandon them. This has been the case for months. It's not that I can't write or something, it's just I have been feeling greatly unmotivated of late. Every day, I hope for this lack of inspiration to go away, but I think about being unmotivated so extensively that it has become my general state of mind altogether. Here's another thing: very briefly do I get this sudden surge of inspiration while thinking about feeling uninspired. But the moment when I decide to act on the inspiring surge is also the moment it passes by without notice.  The thing is, a lot is going on in both the inside of me and the outside of my surroundings, which has my attention evenly distrib...

A Curiosity Born from a Show If there's one thing true about watching a true crime documentary of a serial killer , then that would be its lasting effect on your mind, even after you finish watching it. On the recommendation of a friend, I recently watched Dahmer - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story , and ever since the end of the 10th episode, I started my own expedition of understanding things. As I incessantly continue to read and watch everything I can find about Dahmer on the web, I have come to this conclusion of what must have happened, which led to all that Dahmer did, or in Lionel Dahmer 's language, the origin of his derangement. The Man Behind the Monster Jeffery Dahmer (1960-1994) infamously known as the Cannibal of Milwaukee or The Monster of Milwaukee for murdering and dismembering 17 young men and boys between the year 1978 to 1991. Dahmer was eventually captured and arrested in 1991 when one of his victims Tracy Edwards escaped and led the Milwaukee police ba...

Recently I have watched Monster: The Ed Gein Story and I am stunned by the performances and depiction of the serial killer, who is considered to be the Godfather of other most notorious serial killers of American history, such as Richard Speck (The Birdman), Jerry Brudos , Ted Bundy , and so on. Very little, I feel, to write a review about what I've watched, but this one in particular got me hooked for a few days. So here we go.  Focus on the Psyche Over the Crime The series focused not on the crimes themselves, but on Gein's psyche, his internal turmoil, and his mental illness. Convicted as a gynophilic and a necrophiliac, the show's focus explores what led him to commit heinous acts like digging up the dead bodies, flaying them, making bodysuit, artefacts out of their skin, making masks out of real faces and so on. Special emphasis is given to his relationship with his mother, Augusta Gein . Her constant bashing, strict religious beliefs, and dismissal of his desires lef...

Ankylosing spondylitis (AS) is a chronic inflammatory form of arthritis that affects the spine. In its advanced stage, the condition is known as ankylosing spondylitis bamboo spine , characterized by a radiographic image of the spine resembling a bamboo stalk. This resemblance occurs due to chronic inflammation, which leads to fusion of the vertebrae and creates a rigid spinal structure. Individuals with AS often develop a hunched back and have spines that are vulnerable to fractures and injuries due to increased fragility.  How the Spine Changes in Ankylosing Spondylitis Bamboo Spine  Inflammation and Self Healing: The initial stage of AS is inflammation, commonly found in the sacroiliac joints . Inflammation in these joints leads to bone erosion, which the body attempts to repair by creating new bone tissue. This process includes depositing calcium around the joints and ligaments.  Fusion and Bamboo Spine: The formation of new bone and calcium deposits gradually bridge...

This is the tenth month of the year, and so far, the year has been very tumultuous. But if there's one thing the year has taught me, is that I need to undergo a lot of self-reformation.  I can't hide behind innocence or simplicity. It's just becoming a pattern of mine that even I am getting fed up with myself. The pattern I am insinuating is oversharing. I have a habit of going overboard. And honestly, when it happens, it feels so natural that even the person I am oversharing with can't find traces. It starts as a harmless conversation, something light, something genuine and honest, and before I realize it, I’ve already handed over pieces of myself that weren’t meant to leave the room. The year started with me feeling betrayed when this oversharing backfired on me when the person I over-shared with, shared my oversharing with someone else (the person about whom the contents of the oversharing was about). Don't get perplexed. Just take another read if you didn't ...

Hey!  It's been a while since our last one-on-one.  I have some news to share if you're reading this.  Recently, on the evening of September 29th, I received a surprise email.  Like any other evening, I was busy assigning myself an engagement to pass the hours until I received a phone call and got engaged in it half heartedly.  That was when the email arrived in my inbox. I saw the little Gmail icon at the top left of my mobile screen and decided to ignore it, only to notice it again.   And finally, when I opened the mail, there it was in the subject in all capital letters, "Congratulations, your AdSense account is approved!" After the first rejection, I had little hope of getting the approval, especially after considering that it's a personal blog.  But it is what it is.  However, there's a lot behind it. It's been five years since opening this blog, and although the blog might seem pretty neat, it had no hope of going anywhere when it was c...

Sacroilitis is a condition where damage to the SI joints ( sacroiliac joints ) causes the joints to become inflamed. The sacroiliac joints are the joints where the spine and pelvis are connected. Thus ,the inflammation in the SI joints causes a person to experience excruciating pain in the lower back and buttocks. This pain, being radiating in nature, goes through the buttocks ( glute muscles ) to the thighs. Because of the persistent pain, sacroilitis treatment is essential. Especially the treatments that are effective for pain management and sustainable in the long run.  Causes of Sacroilitis  The causes of sacroilitis are mainly Inflammation in the body. If any of your joints have Inflammation, then sacroilitis can develop. Arthritis is another cause for developing sacroilitis. Mostly, sacroilitis is an early sign of developing spine arthritis, most notably Ankylosing spondylitis . So if you have sacroilitis, then it is likely for you to develop ankylosing spondylitis a...