Hey!
It's been a while since our last one-on-one.
I have some news to share if you're reading this.
Recently, on the evening of September 29th, I received a surprise email.
Like any other evening, I was busy assigning myself an engagement to pass the hours until I received a phone call and got engaged in it half heartedly.
That was when the email arrived in my inbox. I saw the little Gmail icon at the top left of my mobile screen and decided to ignore it, only to notice it again.
And finally, when I opened the mail, there it was in the subject in all capital letters,
"Congratulations, your AdSense account is approved!"
After the first rejection, I had little hope of getting the approval, especially after considering that it's a personal blog.
But it is what it is.
However, there's a lot behind it. It's been five years since opening this blog, and although the blog might seem pretty neat, it had no hope of going anywhere when it was created.
In 2020, when my father passed away, the world around me was capsized, and everything blurred into silence. I needed something to hold, something to pull myself and my thoughts together. Almost without knowing why, I created a blog. I had no direction, no plan. In those early days, I poured in pieces of literature that I was studying for my master’s. After a few occasional posts of literature, I left behind the blog like a half-filled notebook on a dusty shelf.
In 2021-22, grief loosened its grip just enough for me to breathe. Although the grip of grief had its hold over me even after two years of passing yet there were times when the grip was less effective. At those times, I resumed blogging, this time writing more honestly, like small journal entries, scattered reflections. It was inconsistent, sporadic, but it mirrored me perfectly: a soul healing unevenly.
By 2023, something shifted. Clarity arrived like sunlight breaking through a sheer glass window. I began using the blog as a way of channeling my thoughts, and started writing about them and my experiences, and even pieces of fiction with the undercurrents of truths I wasn’t ready to say aloud. This time, the words became less about distraction and more about discovery. Discovery of myself, of my abilities.
In 2024, I took a year-long sabbatical to focus on something more important for the family.
And then, on the 29th day of September 2025, an extraordinary email appeared:
“The AdSense approval.”
I stopped at once and gaped at the screen, overwhelmed. A few minutes were needed. For five years, I had tried, stumbled, abandoned, returned, and rewritten. There had never been a clear path, not that I could see, no polished strategy, no perfect niche. Yet, despite all the inconsistencies, this little personal blog was deemed worthy.
In that moment, I felt as though life signaled something back to me. One thing was clear that our efforts, however broken, however shaken or hesitant, are not wasted. That perhaps a greater hand had been guiding me all along, through grief, through confusion, through words I didn’t even know I was meant to write. And to tell you the truth, I still have no idea what to do next.
And maybe this is why I feel quite clearly that this was never about blogging at all. Maybe it was about finding a way back to myself.
Read more The Year I Learned to Hold Back
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