The Possession of a Preoccupied Mind

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Hey, how you doin'?  No, I am not rewatching Friends for the zillionth time.  It's just that I hate to start traditionally.  I'm in a conflicting situation: some of my readers like my conversational tone, but apparently it isn't quite acceptable to the publication agencies. Two of my best-appreciated stories were rejected because of their tone. The rejection felt like a jolt that I could practically feel in my head, especially the second one.  Since that day, I've been caught up in a vicious loop of boredom because I stopped writing anything new.   I also called off a new transcription gig that promised me some good money, but the client was a tad bit of a scoundrel in his behaviour.  So here I am, having voluntarily stepped away from both writing and work, and somehow managing to be bored out of my mind. Pretty efficient, ain't I? I'm in that peculiar state where I don't want to do anything to kill time, yet somehow want the time to pass joyfully. I ...
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The Chronicle Of An Overcrowded Mind

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Do you know what I been thinking lately?


Honestly, I have been thinking about a lot of things, but when I stop for a moment and think about my thoughts, I can only think of nothing. It's just a lot of thoughts colliding with one another at the same time, which I deem equally important, as I was quick to abandon them. This has been the case for months. It's not that I can't write or something, it's just I have been feeling greatly unmotivated of late. Every day, I hope for this lack of inspiration to go away, but I think about being unmotivated so extensively that it has become my general state of mind altogether.


Here's another thing: very briefly do I get this sudden surge of inspiration while thinking about feeling uninspired. But the moment when I decide to act on the inspiring surge is also the moment it passes by without notice. 


The thing is, a lot is going on in both the inside of me and the outside of my surroundings, which has my attention evenly distributed. The fact that not a single thought has a bit more attention than the others is what causes trouble for me to pinpoint my focus on. 


"Thoughts of goodwill, care, and well-being are not always reciprocated by the ones they are meant for. After a lifetime of love and dedication, you'll only get the unwarranted misunderstanding."


Did the line seem odd to you? It is because that was a line and an example of the thought I just had while I was documenting this whole mental congestion state of mine. The thing is not that I don't have anything to write, but I have way too many things to write. It's like an overcrowding of ideas, which results in my abandoning the whole idea of crafting a story. 


"I have 60 points of Myntra credits, which will be expiring in 2 days. I should scroll down the app to make the best use of those free credits."



What should I write? Nothing worth mentioning seems to be happening, yet everything feels like it has the potential to be interesting. It’s February—the season of love. On that note, some family wedding invitations have arrived, and I’ve been informed of others scheduled for this time next year.


What else? What else?


Ah, yes. There was another thought—one that had the potential to grow into a good story—but it was overridden by another thought that arrived at the same time. Eventually, both suffered an abrupt departure.


It was about the fallout season that my life seems to be experiencing right now. For reasons I don’t fully understand, I’m falling out with almost everyone I used to know. Conversations ends in misunderstandings. Time spent together ends in tiffs.


So, I conclude that, I don't want to spend too much time with anyone. It always meets a break up.


How do I feel about that?  I'm unsure. Actually, not unsure but need time to properly explain. So I'm saving it for later. 


Basically, I have many things to write about, but I can only justify one write-up at a time. But the gap from the last one I wrote is a little longer for me to motivate myself to write about unmotivation.


“With this note, I have to resume feeling unmotivated…”


Also, I have to hurry up spending those Myntra credits as the clock of expiration is still ticking. 

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